When going into marriage, as much as possible give some allowance for eventualities. This applies to life generally but I’m particularly advising intending couples in this piece.
It’s very good to have expectations, as high as possible but don’t be rigid and selfish about such expectations. Flexibility and selflessness with your expectations will serve as shock absorbers should things go the contrary.
Rigidity and selfishness in marital expectations is the reason people become easily frustrated in marriage. You get married to someone from a rich family hoping the person will wipe out poverty from your family lineage and going into the marriage things turn out against your expectations. If only you didn’t put your mind on the money, your peace of mind would have been with you.
You went into marriage expecting to have your first child in the first year of your marriage, this did not happen even after 5 years. If only you didn’t put your mind on having that child in the first year of your marriage, things wouldn’t look frustrating as they appear for you now.
You went into marriage expecting your spouse to help you accomplish your dreams, after many years of marriage, you cannot hold unto anything in the marriage. If only you didn’t hinge your dreams completely on your spouse, you won’t be disappointed afterall.
You got married to a politically influential family hoping that all your family members will be given government appointments but this is not the case after several years and you’re sick and tired of the marriage already, if only you didn’t make that your primary goal of going into that marriage, you wouldn’t be this frustrated.
Your peace of mind is the greatest asset you can ever get from your marriage. And this peace is dependent on your mindset about the marriage. With the right mindset, you can have your peace of mind with or without the things that are usually sources of worry like money, children, connections and the likes.
Now, pause and ask yourself: why am I marrying this particular person? You know you can’t lie to yourself right? Answer that question rhetorically and you can tell if your are likely to be frustrated in your marriage or not.
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